


Peter Parker is a Little Shit for Two and a Half Minutes

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 2 min read, BAMF Michelle Jones, Excessive Swearing, Ficlet, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Movie Night, Parent Tony Stark, Precious Ned Leeds, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, sam and bucky are in this for 2 seconds but i need the tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-31 19:43:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21247847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A ficlet of after whatever Halloween party Ned, Peter, and MJ all attended. Yes, they're dressed as the Avengers.(MJ's costume is the best by far.)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, for like 9 seconds
Comments: 5
Kudos: 78





	Peter Parker is a Little Shit for Two and a Half Minutes

**Author's Note:**

> this is like the shortest thing ive ever written

"Mr. Stark, we're back!" Peter shouted upon entering. "I got a fuck ton of candy!" Ned followed, smiling like a dork and MJ removing her clip-on tie. Whenever his friends were over, Peter had given himself a free chance to ignore the 'no cursing' rule. He did this liberally.

Peter had gone as Thor, all except the long hair. Ned adorned a Captain America suit. Tony hated their lame costumes (_"You've met Thor before, you don't need to dress like him, too!"_) but let them go anyway. He frowned. "Don't say fuck." Tony frowned from the kitchen, ignoring the self-appointment. Sam and Bucky were watching a horror movie together, half asleep. "Hey, gang. Nice costumes- MJ, who are you supposed to be?" The teenage girl was in a suit jacket and nice dress pants and shoes.

She removed the sunglasses, tossing them onto the counter and smirked. "Well, sir, in all due respect," She turned around so they could all see the full extent of the costume. There was a stain near the bottom of the deep blue jacket, but otherwise Tony couldn't find anything odd about it. Those sunglasses looked scarily familiar- Peter probably stole them and let her have them. MJ seemed so full of herself, nearly bursting into a wide smile as she spoke. "I'm you."

Tony's jaw dropped, in surprise or offense. He nearly shouted at them and kicked them out of his tower, but Peter giggled in the back and he seethed. "You three are the worst. Sam, Buck!" He yelled, getting their sleepy attention. "Out!" He pointed to the hall, getting the two men to groan and do as told. _They never do what I tell them. What the fuck._ Tony dug through Peter's candy bag. "So, just so you three _lovely_ children know, just because you don't like a certain candy, doesn't mean _I_ won't."

"You don't get a single piece of this cady, motherfucker!" MJ threw the glasses towards him, making the three laugh. It got a laugh out of Tony too, so he didn't get too upset. "We gonna watch the best Halloween movie ever- Nightmare Before Christmas and eat all of it in one sitting!"

"Isn't that a Christmas movie?" Ned asked, getting the super-remote to put it on the huge television anyway.

"Do you think _I'm_ going to watch a Christmas movie?" Peter put a hand to his chest, offended. "You can't get me, king Jew, to watch that if you goddamn tried, Edward Nedthaniel Leeds. It's a Halloween movie."

Ned threw his hands in the air. "It's a fucking Christmas movie!"

"Nedthanial you're fucking stupid, it came out in like... _November_. It's a goddamn Halloween movie!" Peter retorted.

Tony got red Kool-aid for the teens, raising his eyebrows in shock. "Pete, you never talk like this. You three are so... vulgar."

"Get used to it, pops!" Peter smiled. "So are you! I've watched your little press conferences since I was seven!"

"Oh, no." Tony put his head in his hands. "I've ruined you."

"Don't worry, Mr. Stark, it was the trauma that ruined me, not your dumb videos."

"Don't call me dumb! I'm old enough as it is, I need you to praise me!"

"Never!" All three shouted.

Tony grabbed a bag of popcorn. "I'm so close to throwing this at you, MJ. I can't believe you went as _me_." Tony silently thought _We should get a picture before she smears that beard makeup._

"Peter called dibs on you first."

"I DID NOT SHUT UP MJ YOU SMELL LIKE SHIT."

"REVERSE CARD, MOTHERFUCKER."

"GAMERS STOP THE MOVIES COMING ON LET ME WATCH JACK SKELLINGTON BE A BOTTOM IN PEACE." Ned interrupted.

Tony observed the scene, fear across his face. "This is why I'm never having kids."

"But Mr. Stark, I'm right here!" Peter stood up, candy falling out of his bag and onto the couch. He put his hands up in the air. "I AM THY'S CHILD!"

"If you make a mess, I'm gonna call Thor and handle you himself. Sit down, kiddo."

"This is discrimmanatory!" He sat back down and MJ frowned.

"Aren't you on the debate team? Did you just say _discrimmanatory_?" Ned turned to him. "Are you Doug Dimma-"

"FUCK, NED, WHY DIDN'T I GO AS DOUG DIMMADOME FOR HALLOWEEN?!"

"Or better yet, Colonel Sanders." MJ murmured, unwrapping a Twix.

"FUCK! MR. STARK, PLEASE INVENT TIME TRAVEL RIGHT NOW."

"Not a chance in hell. Stop standing on my cushions." Toyn frowned, handing them the popcorn bowl. "You three are the reasons I'm never going to have a child. Ever."

"Yeah, sure, Mr. Stark. As soon as I go to college you'll miss me too badly." Peter sat back down.

"PETER WE ALL GET IT YOU'RE IRON MAN'S SON CAN WE PLEASE WATCH JACK SKELLINGTON BE A TWINK?"


End file.
